On endings and new beginnings

I got to thinking this morning about the cris-crossing threads of our lives, the people that we meet and form connections to, the things we do that may extend with far-reaching consequences we're never even aware of, the subtle influences we exert simply by existing, by dreaming, by reaching for some misty, elusive goal of happiness that we may not even recognize when we achieve it. Happiness is a rather abstract concept, after all, and both very relative and very subjective, lacking definition if taken out of context.

This reminds me of a talk I had with Myia, actually, wherein she said that life can't be just one big high, or it loses context. It has be a rollercoaster ride, with some deep troughs and long, flat stretches of middling interest, if the highs are to have any sort of meaning. The points of light are only interesting if they stand out from the patches of shadow.

Of course, inherent in that is the thought that we can't really sustain happiness. It comes and it goes, flickering flashes of light to illuminate a journey otherwise shrouded in twilight. And we walk from point to point, constantly aiming for these little motes, these little fireflies in the night, following them toward a destination that is still largely abstract.

Regardless of the incredible stresses that came with it, I was happy working on the Wild Party. I didn't really think about it that much at the time, because the commute and the hours were utterly horrendous, making the thing sort of a mixed pleasure, but I found a certain measure of peace working with the cast and seeing the show each night. It culminated and flared with a spectacular, wild (hardy har har), and utterly insane cast party afterward, wherein I consumed ENTIRELY too much alcohol for my own good. And now it's over, the lights are dimmed, and the fires have burned down into a pile of cold ashes. I'm saddened by it, but knowing that it had to come to an end eventually, I also have faces, moments, scents, and laughter stored away now. Motes to keep me warm.

I hope I'll get to see them all again, in the meandering, wandering threads of our lives. In the meantime, Musicals Tonight starts up again next week. I thought I'd be happy for a week off...but right now I'm just wishing that next Monday would hurry up and arrive already.