On lanterns

Okay, so I took a break from my project for today, primarily because I was rushing around like a headless chicken all through today. Rob and Luis and Dusty and Kevin and Erin and Jason and arrgh so many people were all coming tonight for a big dinner gala thing, and I woke up about two hours after I'd intended to wake up, and so I had to do yoga, do my laundry, go food shopping, get a haircut, and cook a Chinese dish all within a four hour period. It's a testimony to my time management skills in a crunch that I actually managed to get everything done except for the yoga, which I shrug and will do tomorrow after (or perhaps before) I get my tattoo consultation.

Oh, by the way, I'm getting a tattoo. Or at least a consultation, which will be happening tomorrow afternoon. Odds are good that Luis will be asleep both before and after I come back from the consultation. He does that. It's worth mentioning here that I'm disappointed Rob and Dusty chose not to stay. I was looking forward to video games - especially Metroid Handing Rob while he was playing Dead Space - and I was REALLY looking forward to Resident Evil 5 co-op mode. (*SIGH*)

It's also worth mentioning, however, that I had a really terrific time tonight. Amazingly terrific. The sort of night that only happens, can only happen once every few months, if not every year, and which I genuinely wish I could rewind and play over again just so I could do it all over again. We all know what that's like.

I kind of wanted to toss into this blog before I go to bed, however, that in light of my new intention to start dating again, despite the fact that this seems to be a relatively bad time, given the fact that within the next week Musicals Tonight starts up again, after which I'm going to be going to Spain for two weeks...wait, that was a total run-on sentence. I've had three glasses of wine and three glasses of vodka - I'm allowing a certain freedom in grammatical structure for myself when I'm tipsy. The key point I want to express at this point is that...I'm done settling. Done chasing after other people. Done expecting and hoping and waiting for a train that just don't come. I will borrow light from no one. Taking a page from one of the most interesting characters I've read about in a while, I will shine by my own light. I shall be a star, not a moon or planet, and I cast my light upon my own path. There is nothing in mere loneliness or emptiness that will daunt me, and I will not be afraid of anything that may rise from the road to greet me.

I've decided that my fulfillment will not be contingent on anyone's will but my own. Just as my decisions are my own. Just as I am not my hopes, nor my dreams, but only the sum of my own decisions.

I will be absolute, be myself, until I bleed. Regardless of how much that may hurt sometimes.