Why hello blog. Did you miss me? I have to admit - I didn't particularly miss you. Does the fact make me terrible, or the admission of it? It hardly matters. I can always come back and settle my head onto your electronic bosom and say all the things I want to say, and you will listen. Then, when I tire of that, I'll go away again without a second thought and you'll remain here, waiting for me. Ready for me to return. Patient, willing, perhaps even hopeful. From time to time I might think of you, but I'll never let it show, nor let it influence my actions. Until I need you again. Oh, the indifferent cruelty of men!
Things have actually been quite interesting the past few months. My desktop's been dead for the majority of that time, undoubtedly due to the rigors of moving to Brooklyn. Oh, yeah, that happened. I moved in with Kevin, in Brooklyn. It's been working out decently so far, but he keeps forgetting to do his dishes. Kevin and I have a good relationship, as far as roomies and friends go, but we're just...really, really different.
Anyway, in the interim, I've managed to do a jot of stage management, decide to go back to grad school for physical therapy, visit my cousins in Texas, and take a short trip back to China in order to visit my extended family. That was a hoot and a half, let me tell you. My relationship with my father remains as fascinating and worthy of analysis as ever, but it was made okay partially by the fact that I hadn't seen him in four years, partially by the fact that I'm just tired of standing across the canyon from him. I...I miss my dad, I guess, despite the fact that we see eye to eye on almost nothing. Despite the fact that I'm still kind of angry at him for abandoning his responsibilities so many years ago. Not just to me - that I could forgive fairly easily - but to Mom.
Anyway, they all gave me money, which never fails to make me guilty and feel like I'm the useless midnight sheep of the family, and the only thing that at all keeps me in my grandparents' good graces is the fact that I'm sole heir of the family name. I won't deny it was fucking helpful, though, because not working for nearly a month absolutely KILLED my bank account and fattened up my credit card. Oh, and hemorraging money like a major national bank probably didn't help me either...I really need to learn some bloody self control when it comes to buying shit.
Wow - this blog is turning out rather negatively. Sunshine, rainbows, pixie dust and unicorn wings. Grind, mix, stir, upload onto jumpdrive, inject into computer. There! Much better!
Actually, I'm in a fairly good place and a fairly good mood. I kind of feel like...for the first time in a long time, I have a sense of direction again. A lot of it depends on me getting off my fat, lazy, but admittedly sexy and deliciously bubble-like ass and actually making sure I can assemble a decent grad school application, but at least I sort of feel like I know where my life is headed again. Now if only my love life weren't still as murky as a the depths of the Loch Ness. I've actually, in psychotic desperation only slightly tempered by tongue-in-cheek amusement, taken to asking online magic 8 balls whether or not I'll ever find someone to love, and who will love me back. (Note the necessity of presence, followed by reciprocity). That's right - not even standard magic 8 balls. ONLINE magic 8 balls. That's a degree of patheticness even I, in all my verbal magnificence, find difficult to express in words. On a tangent, I think I'm one of the few people I know who can be so unbelievably arrogant and utterly self-critical at the same time.
Wow. That kind of hopped off-topic for a bit.
Anyway, things are good. Generally. Sorta. Okay, at least they're not BAD, okay? Shut up. I'm going away now.
No comments:
Post a Comment